Lessons to Teach My Children

This blog post is a unique one, as its purpose is a precautionary measure. If I have children and, for some reason, I am not able to teach them everything as a parent, this blog post is for them to read. Better safe than sorry. This blog post is a growing one that I will add to as I move forward in life.  I have started this list at the age of 22 so that they know how early I started thinking about them.

Lessons to Teach My Children

-Most important lesson in life: Find balance in everything you do.

-When it comes to worrying about the results of decisions you will have to make, remember that you make the best decision with what you know at the time. Hindsight is 20/20. Don’t regret your decisions if they end up being a mistake.

-One person can do everything. But with people, one person can do everything faster. This is important because you’re not going to live forever and time always moves forward. No individual is more important than people.

-It’s okay to make mistakes and fail. Just don’t have regrets. And as long as you learn from a mistake, it’s never a regret.

-It's okay not to like people and for them to not like you.

-It's okay to care about what people think of you. Just don't let it consume you.

-You will always have criticism from others in anything you do that’s worth doing. That’s what makes people different. And different doesn’t imply better or worse. Just different.

-Enjoy the moments. No matter how hard or busy it gets, never let them slip by.

-Be compassionate, but don’t be naïve.

-Believe in people, but don’t be naïve.

-Make decisions today that your future self won’t regret and will thank you for.

-Learn to not just be okay being alone but learn to actually enjoy it sometimes.

-Even though you’ll have many people in your life, YOU will always be with you. You’re the only constant in your life. Don’t forget that the experiences you have will only be yours to experience at the end of the day. That’s why it’s important you take care of yourself and that you are happy with yourself.

-Don’t feel you need to flaunt your happiness. All that matters is that you are genuinely happy.

-Never put all your eggs in one basket. Nothing should ever be "all you got". Don’t be a one-trick pony, no matter how good that trick is.

-Don't ever stop learning.

-Don't let looking like a fool ever stop you from learning. While other people are preoccupied with appearances, you'll be building your empire.

-Learn from what people do and don’t do and use it to be the best version of yourself.

-Learn from others. It saves you time. That includes learning from their past experiences because it'll save you from pain and suffering you could have avoided.

-You will go through pain and suffering. Learn to even cherish suffering as it'll be an extremely effective way to not make the same mistake again and learn a new lesson. We tend to remember negative events more than positive ones. Use that to your advantage. Grow from it.

- You don't need to know everything. And you need to be okay with not knowing everything because you never will. But never stop striving to know everything.

-Make sure to reflect often on how far you’ve come, even the little things.

-Don't let your ego get in the way of anything. But don't let that stop you from building true self-confidence.

-Don't think you’re better or worse than anyone else. Don't compare yourself to anyone other than your past and future selves.

-Everything is an opportunity. Failures, a breakup, boring conversations. It might be hard to see it, but everything is an opportunity for growth. To learn something about yourself and the world. To be better and/or happier.

-Exercise and eat well. It's the only proven method to stay healthy and fit, not to mention the numerous neurological and mental health benefits.

-Always wash your hands when you come home, as well as before and after you eat.

-Brush your teeth in the morning and before you sleep.

-Always floss as often as you brush.

-Be gentle when brushing (don’t destroy your enamel).

-Have a mechanic friend. It probably will come in handy one day.

-Learn coding.

-Know your grammar.

Things to Remember as a Parent:

• Never hit your child.
• Make sure child’s posture is straight to prevent hunchback.
• Get children to walk barefoot a lot to create the natural arches in their feet and so they are not flat footed.
• Take folic acid while baby is in gestation (not the father; that doesn't help).
• Teach them how to cook.
• Teach them how to do the laundry.
• Teach them to dance (hip-hop, salsa).
• Make sure they learn how to code.
• Encourage them to learn at least one other language.
• Make sure they go to the dentist at least every six months.

TV Shows for them to watch:

• Kim Possible
• Arthur
• Magic School Bus

Love you.

Goodbye York University!

And it's done. I've graduated from university!

No longer the President for Doctors Without Borders York and Salsa Club. No longer a Senator, Student Health Ambassador, and the Vice-Chair of Safety. No more "York Students" posts.

It's been an amazing run. To all the people I graduated with and who are graduating this year, congratulations! We did it! I honestly don't know how to put it all into words and I'll never do it justice here. The lessons I have learned in the classroom and outside of it have been some of the best experiences of my life so far. That includes the struggles. I learned a lot about people, from those I agree and disagree with on occasion, and I am aware that the "real world" is a lot different from the "university bubble". But I'm excited to apply what I've learned at university and grow in new ways. Don't know what the future holds for me, but it'll be a fun ride regardless.

But my experience was exceptional because of the friends, acquaintances, professors, teaching assistants, faculty, and staff that I had the pleasure of meeting and being around these past five years. If I have seen you anytime in the past five years, you were a part of this experience, so thank you. Especially to my family and friends who have been challenging me to be a better person. I cannot thank you enough. I've always said about York at Senate and Safety meetings that it's biggest strength is that it's a "people" school. And I have been honoured to have you all in my life.

I don't believe that people get easily inspired from just one moment. I think it takes an entire perspective change to motivate yourself to move in the right direction. But I wanted to show people through the work I have done that you can push yourselves more than you sometimes give yourself credit for. Lack of resources, and life circumstances can be debilitating, and I never want to diminish that because I have gone through it and I still go through it. But one of the lessons I learned from York is that while you can't control everything in your life, you can always control how you react to it. There have been many times where I wanted to give up because of a setback. But I always found a way to make it an opportunity, while recognizing that it was going to be one of the hardest things I ever had to do. And remember you're not alone. Many people go through struggles we never get the chance to see. So lend a hand to those in need and take a hand if you need it.

Goodbye Salsa Club @ York

Thank you to everyone for coming out to our Salsa Club Winter 2015 Outing - Friday May 8th yesterday! It was great seeing all of you; amazing dancing and awesome conversations were had. Special shout-out to the dance team for performing at Lula Lounge!

And with last night's event, my time as the President of Salsa Club @ York has come to an end. It's been a magical four years and it won't hit me that it's over until some time from now. But I wanted to say thank you to everyone I have met through my experiences with Salsa Club. Everything I did at York stemmed from being President for this club. I learned a lot about leadership, and people, as well as finally learning to be confident, since the role of President demanded that of me. This club has been my baby and it's unique in that dancing was not our main goal; it was only a means in building a community. You have all done that for me, and I hope we have done that for you. And I hope that we keep building on that.

To the instructors (regular and guests), executives (past and present), and performers throughout the years, you the real MVPs. You brought everlasting talent, charm and flair to our events and they will live on through our members, Facebook and YouTube videos. And to our members, past and present, you ARE the club and it has been a pleasure getting to know you all in different capacities.

I wish the best of luck to the new executives and I am excited for the new surprises they have in store for you all. Stay tuned throughout the summer. And we will hopefully be receiving t-shirts for the club soon, so wear them with pride!

Thank you for an unforgettable experience.

Loyalty

After the madness that was the World Cup 2014, I thought I would release this post I've been having on stand-by for a while.

Loyalty: faithfulness or a devotion to a person, country, group, or cause.

Whenever I do interviews or do personality tests for work, I come across the topic of loyalty. It seems to be mentioned in Facebook posts when people talk about their crew or their 'ride or die' team. In this poll done by Debate.org, the question was 'Should people always be loyal?' 64% said 'No' (http://www.debate.org/opinions/should-people-always-be-loyal).

Sometimes, we romanticize loyalty because it's connected with themes such as love and family.  Loyalty is based off the fact that previous actions are believed to be the best predictors of future actions. If a person continuously does good things, they are more likely to do good things in the future than a person you don't know or a person who does bad things. However, this does not necessarily mean they will. And people need to always keep this fact in mind. While good people establish a predictable pattern based off their behaviour and actions, know that this is not absolute.

This loyalty also is tied to nationalism. While I love being Canadian, I constantly question whether the decisions made by and for the country are the right ones. On a one-on-one basis, many people acknowledge that their country is not perfect. Yet when compared to other countries, they rush to claim their country as being the best.

Case in point.

Pride in one's country is not a fault. Just be wary what aspects you are proud of. Question everything.

I always tell my colleagues and executives to never be loyal to me. I want them to always question me and my intentions. If others question them about me, I don't want them to say 'he would never do such a thing'. For better or worse, things and people are subject to change. And they may change to the point that they may not align with your values anymore, regardless of what they may be. Loyalty, thus, would not benefit you nor the idea you are affiliated with. I consider it very respectful to question me and my beliefs; it means that you believe that I am able to withstand the questioning in your pursuit of the truth and that even if I end up being wrong that you trust my good intentions to pursuit the truth as well.

Blind, unquestioning loyalty is the fault of many individuals. I do commend the magical influence it has on people, as it goes beyond logic to be so supportive of those people/ideas. But that's the problem. When loyalty goes above the point of logic, it becomes difficult to stand by it with each passing day and even harder to convince others to agree with you.

Sometimes, being loyal to one person, country or idea automatically puts you in opposition of another. This in turn makes you close minded to the possibilities the 'other' side offers you. To be a truly enriched individual, it is necessary to be open to all possibilities, regardless of the situation. If you keep up with American politics, you can see how loyalty divides a nation solely based off a politician's political affiliation.  Imagine how strong a country USA would be if opposition didn't automatically mean aggression.

If only.

Many people may say they already follow this but consider this: if your child were to commit murder, would you cover up for them? Most would say yes, because as a parent they have to stand by their child no matter what. But if the victim was our child, we would condemn whoever kept the murderer hidden from justice. It's this hypocrisy  that makes the 'clique' mentality dangerous; this mentality allows your group(s) exceptions to rules you hold others to.

Loyalty fosters nepotism and cronyism, ideologies that are not only ethically reprehensible but logically and economically detrimental.

For example, being loyal to a friend can make you an enemy of another person who, in another objective timeline, would be your best friend/greatest asset. This is most evident in gossip. When friends gossip to you about people you don't know personally, but know of, people tend to form a relatively negative persona of them without giving them the chance to showcase the personality. If you don't think this is true, consider the fact that the law says 'innocent until proven guilty' yet we usually assume suspects are equivalent to convicts. And this leads to harmful effects (see Richard Jewell).

Loyalty can cause you to question your own integrity and morals, leading you down a path you may regret later. If Breaking Bad has taught us anything, it's that good people can become monsters even if they start off with good intentions.

I'm not saying don't trust anyone or to not side with your friends and country. I'm saying let logic and reason guide your behaviour instead of an unwavering support for something that may be incorrect, foolish, or narrow-sighted. This way, you can justify your loyalty without guilt.

Chris Brown is right. These girls aren't loyal. And they shouldn't be. Unless it makes logical sense to do so.

I'll leave you off with Charlie Chaplin's final speech in 'The Great Dictator': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcvjoWOwnn4

How to use Social Media for Promotion

As the social media world changes, it can be difficult to manage all the different platforms.

This is especially true for people who run events and/or organizations. Here are a few little tips on how to get that extra edge when promoting your cause.

On Facebook, it's all about the Newsfeed. Most people when they first log onto Facebook will scroll down their Facebook (either to see something new or out of habit). Your goal as an organization is to have viewers see your post in the first 30 seconds of their scroll. Most people either lose interest quickly or they find something that takes their interest away from the rest of their Newsfeed. Here are a few ways to capitalize on those few precious seconds:

-Depending on your organization, it may be beneficial to make a Facebook page AND a group. A great feature of the group is that you can invite all the members of the group to the events that the group makes. While Facebook pages also can create events, the page can only 'target' people and not 'invite' them to attend. The Facebook page is beneficial for posts to appear on people's Newsfeeds as well as have widgets of your organization on other websites and platforms.

-In Facebook posts/pictures/events, it also helps to tag people as a part of it. This extends your demographic to their friends and increases the probability of it appearing on people's Newsfeed. This is especially true if a viewer has more than one friend tagged in the post; this increases the likeliness and frequency that Facebook will present your post on their Newsfeed.

-Golden rule: Never like your own posts. This also goes for retweeting yourself under the same account (note I did not say that other accounts are out of the question). People may do it to increase the amount of likes and attention, but that's a very negligible increase. In reality, many people realize what you are trying to do and look down on the cause because of it. It's not worth the like, folks. It's not worth the like.

This is pretty much how other people feel about your organization when you 'like' your own posts.

For those new to Twitter, you're not alone. In essence, Twitter is a service which caters as a place to put the short, quick and sometimes arbitrary thoughts you may have for those who choose to follow you. For organizations, Twitter is another avenue in which they can identify another market of people.

The best way to do so is to build momentum to get your 'hashtag' 'trending'. For those who don't know, a hashtag allows grouping of similarly tagged messages, and also allows an electronic search to return all messages that contain the messages. This essentially represents that a large volume of people are interested in the topic enough to talk about it. Some companies try to do this by forcing it by attaching hashtags to every product in the slight hope that enough people will tweet the hastag while using this product. This is a very ineffective way of using the hashtag. One great way to do it is to create buildup using the hashtag. If it's an event, alert those who purchase tickets that their tweets will be posted under the 'Twitter Feed' on the website of your organization if they attach the hashtag.

Another great way is to make a contest out of the hashtag. You can offer prizes, free merchandise, and/or promotion to those individuals that tweet the hashtag the most or have the most popular/witty/interesting tweet while using the hashtag. If done right, this may also relieve the burden of promotion off your shoulders and onto the people on Twitter who want to win the contest. #GuerillaMarketing

One important difference between Facebook and Twitter is the importance of when you post. Because Twitter is a 'in-the-present' platform, the worst time to tweet is at 4am. If your tweet doesn't catch on in the first 15 minutes of its posting, it will get lost in the array of tweets of other people (this rule doesn't apply to those with a large base of followers). While Facebook is also timely in some fashion, it is more similar to Youtube and Reddit (another social media platform) in terms of 'upvotes' where popular posts and comments (posts your friends like) sometimes pop out of your Newsfeed regardless of the time of day or even it has been a few days since it was originally posted.

Ideal times are usually late afternoons/early evenings (3pm-6pm) because students finish school at this time, and many people finish work around this time. And most people use these moments to check and post on their social media.

These are just a few tips, and they may seem minuscule but these tricks can make the minor difference that can propel your event/organization to the next level.

Kash Money out!

Hybrid Theory

I believe everyone is beautiful, but that people just have different preferences for certain individuals. What I have noticed for my preferences and for the preferences for many of my friends is that the individuals that appear the most attractive are composed of mixed races.

This is what I have called the 'Hybrid Theory' (not the Linkin Park album, which was my favourite Linkin Park album). The theory states 'The more races a person is composed of, the more attractive they appear to a greater number of people'. This is another reason why racism should be abolished already.

Some celebrity examples are:

Hannah Simone:

A Canadian actress and former VJ for MuchMusic, her father is of Indian descent and her mother is of German, Italian and Greek Cyproit descent.

Olivia Munn:

An American actress, her father was of German and Irish descent and her mother is of Chinese descent (but born and raised in Vietnam).

Wentworth Miller:

An American actor, his father is of African-American, Jamaican, English, German, Jewish and Cherokee background and his mother is of Russian, French, Dutch, Syrian and Lebanese descent.

Nicole Scherzinger:

An American singer-songwriter, she was born in Hawaii to a Filipino father and a Russian and Hawaiian mother.

Shemar Moore:

An American Actor, his father is of African-American decent and his mother is of Irish and French-Canadian descent who worked in Denmark and Bahrain where Shemar Moore was raised.

There have been several books and studies verifying the Hybrid Theory; a few examples include the book Mixed Kids Are Always So Beautiful and the Mixed-Race People Perceived as 'More Attractive' UK Study by Cardiff University's School of Psychology (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/04/100414092523.htm).

So feel free to bear children with  those outside your ethnic boundaries, as apparently the results are gorgeous.

Note: The post is not meant to be taken seriously. It is just a fun opinion composed by the author. If you have any more examples, feel free to comment below or share with the author.

Why Chivalry Should be Dead

To put things in context, I’m a 21 year old heterosexual male living in Canada. A topic that is always of interest when I talk to my friends, male, female, or trans-gendered is where to go on a first date. When I ask females where they would like to go, they usually tell me to choose. Now, I think I’m pretty creative, but there are only so many times you can take a person to the zoo. So I always insist that we do something they enjoy. And then I hear it. Why I always end up bored on first dates. ‘It’s the man’s job’. Just like I’m supposed to hold doors, lift heavy things, make the first move and pay the bill for the date.

Now, only 10% of this talk is because I’m a lazy individual. But the main reason I decided to do this is because I see two problems with this kind of chivalrous mentality. One is that a majority of women are being portrayed as ‘fragile and delicate’, which does nothing to empower women in the world. The other problem is that men feel that they are the protectors of women, and have to do things for them because they can’t do it themselves.

This is actually called Benevolent Sexism, a form of Paternalism, which limits other people’s actions ‘for their own good’. It’s like when a parent tells their child they have a curfew of 10:00pm. If I were to ask you if you considered yourself sexist, most people without a doubt would say no because they don’t express hostile sexism, which includes blatant stereotypes of women. But if I were to ask you if you were sexist based off benevolent sexism, that question might get you thinking. I know I’m guilty of this at times. Benevolent sexism still reinforces the same power structures that hostile sexism does. The problem with this is that it can be patronizing; that by ‘protecting women’, men are actually limiting them.

For those who don’t know, Chivalry was derived from the medieval Knight’s Code of Chivalry which stated that a knight would protect others who could not protect themselves, such as women, children and elders. It’s safe to say this mentality has become outdated in our modern world with regards to women and even some children and elders, as we are working towards equality and equity for all.

A study by Dardenne and colleagues found that benevolent sexism can be worse than hostile sexism when it comes to women’s cognitive performance. An explanation for this is that the disadvantaged groups are justifying the status quo due to the apparent niceness of benevolent sexism. This did nothing for empowering workers, leading to lowered self-esteem and decreased competency performance levels in the workplace.

Another study by Parker and colleagues has shown that women in male-dominated careers suffer from over performance demands because they need to over-perform in order to gain acceptance and recognition in the workplace. This has several negative health effects, ranging from distress to psychological ill health, that are well documented in the science literature (Barling et al., 1996; Brown, Campbell, & Fife-Shaw, 1995; Fitzgerald, Drasgow, Hulin, Gelfand, & Magley, 1997; Glomb, Munson, Hulin, Bergman, & Drasgow, 1999; Loy & Stewart, 1984; Ragins & Scandura, 1995; Schnieder, Swan, & Fitzgerald, 1997).

And musical artists Ne-Yo and Destiny’s Child have created songs indicating that independent women are very attractive. That’s really all the proof I need.

Chivalry becomes a cycle because if either party chooses not to follow benevolent sexism, they are considered rude. If a man does not ask to carry a woman’s bags, they are inconsiderate. And a study has found that when a woman says she does not need help in doing tasks such as carrying her bags, she is considered rude. But if she does accept help, she’s considered incompetent. Therefore, you either conform or you risk being rejected.

So am I implying the solution is to stop being nice to each other? No, the last thing I want to do is to encourage people to not do nice things. I’m saying the exact opposite. Be a gentleman, but be a gentleman to everyone. Same goes for the ladies. Some people might not be able to open doors, reach the top of shelves or lift heavy things due to physical limitations, regardless of sex or any other reason. But if you open it because it’s ‘what a man does for a lady’, that can be considered benevolent sexism. The intention matters. Start asking yourself why you do what you do.

When I think about how we as a society can better share gender roles, I look to same-sex couples as role models. A study conducted by Power and colleagues called the ‘Work, Love, Play’ study ‘ surveyed 445 same-sex parents in Australia and New Zealand. Results showcased that participants divided household labour significantly more equally than heterosexual parents. Qualitative findings from the study also show that major decisions around which parent gives up paid work, and how many hours parents choose to work, as well as decision around work/family balance, are negotiated on the basis of the couple’s preferences and circumstances rather than assumptions that one parent will be the primary child carer.

I’m also aware that this concept is culture-specific. I can only propose this shift in mentality to Western society as this is the culture I grew up in. I just want to promote the acceptance of shared gender roles and to not limit decisions based on sex. Open a door and pay for a date because you’re considerate, not because you’re expected to.

And if you still aren’t sold on fairness, here’s my final point. I know that I’m privileged to be up here today on stage doing this specific talk. If a female were to say the same things I’m saying, I’m not sure if it would be received the same way. My biggest fear as an individual is that my successes were not because I was awesome, but because I was privileged. That I was positively stereotyped either as a male, a Canadian, heterosexual or because of other privileges I’m not aware of. And then I think about people that are less privileged. Who go home that day and KNOW their failures were not because they were not capable but because they were limited by their lack of privilege.

The real reason I am here today is because I want to stop questioning myself. I want to be confident that the successes I achieve are mine alone; as an individual, not because of my gender. This goes for any other protected ground or human right, such as sex, race, and religion, to name a few. This can only happen if I can confidently say that everyone has the same opportunity as I do to achieve their goals. The only way this will happen is if we, as a society, start making an active effort to break down this divide that separates us as people, and start accepting our differences to allow everyone the chance to flourish.

So the next time somebody says ‘chivalry is dead’, tell them they’re probably right.

But equity isn’t.

Here’s to better dates!

Becker, J., Glick, P., Ilic, M., and Bohner, G. (2011). Damned if she does, damned if she doesn't: Consequences of accepting versus confronting patronizing help for the female target and male actor. European Journal of Social Psychology DOI: 10.1002/ejsp.823

Dardenne, B., Dumont, M., & Bollier, T. (2007). Insidious dangers of benevolent sexism: Consequences for women’s performance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 93(5), 764.

Parker, S., & Griffin, M. A. (2002). What is so bad about a little name-calling? Negative consequences of gender harassment, over performance demands, and psychological distress. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 7(3), 195-210.

Power, J., Perlesz, A., Pitts, M., Schofield, M.B., McNair, R., Barrett, A., et al. (2010).Understanding resilience in same-sex parented families: The Work, Love, Play study. BMC Public Health, 10(115). Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2841103.